


some nights you dance with tears in your eyes

by bakerybirds



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Finnpoe - Freeform, Fluff, M/M, Rey is an asexual, bit of angst, med bays - seriously when will they go away, rose is great, takes place after tlj, the title is a lyric from the frank ocean song 'self control'., they are the cutest and most clueless in the galaxy, they've found a new rebels base, tw: very small mentions of eating disorder (it's more subtextual than anything)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-14 10:39:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13588338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bakerybirds/pseuds/bakerybirds
Summary: poe has always been a bit of a mess, finn hasn't really got it all figured out yet.





	some nights you dance with tears in your eyes

Poe Dameron sits upon his X-Wing in the mechanics hall, talking to his droid BB-8 who whirls around excitedly. "I don't know, I guess I just feel like he's ignoring me-hey! I'm trying to talk to you BB." He says annoyed, as his droid continues to run in circles around him, the droids small attempt to cheer his owner up. 

(trying to cheer you up, friend-poe.) the droid speaks.

Poe grins. "Aw, well in that case, thank you friend." The droid isn't finished talking though. 

(also find that annoying you, shuts you up faster about friend-finn.) 

Poe gasps, shocked to say the least. "That's rude!" He says, a crossed look on his face. "Am I interrupting something here?" An amused voice speaks, causing Poe to nearly drop his tools as he looks up from BB-8 to the actual glowing Adonis himself in front of him. "Finn!" He chuckles, nervously. "We were just... disagreeing on some technical things about the X-Wing, you know how uptight my great little droid can get sometimes." He says grinning through his teeth and slapping a hand on the droid which ends up in BB-8 screeching slightly. Finn continues to look on in amusement, furrowing his eyebrows, "Yeah well, hope you guys sort it out. I was just coming to share the news that Rose's condition is improving, she could wake up at any moment now." He says, grinning widely. "That reminds me! I should probably go back to the medical lab, y'know, check up on her." He does a little salute (which Poe thinks is the most adorable thing) and walks off before Poe can even utter out the well rehearsed words of: "Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!" , "Wow, I'm glad she's okay buddy - maybe you guys can pick up where you left off aha!" , "Please don't leave me, I'm madly in love with you." 

'Okay, maybe not that last one' he reminds himself, slapping his forehead gently. BB-8 murmurs beside him, trying to cheer him up again. "I know buddy, I know." He sighs. 

 

Poe sits in the mess hall, running a hand through his black curls whilst he sits at a secluded table without the usual surrounding pilots. He doesn't even pick at the food on his plate, his stomach feeling jumpy and his mind feeling a thousand times smaller than usual. It's been like this for a few weeks. Rey sits facing him, a kind smile playing on her lips. "Since the resistance has been building itself back up again, I guess I'm just glad you're here to help us out." He says to the now fully trained Jedi warrior. She chuckles, "Help out with training potentials or y'know -giving you advice when Finn's concerned." Her grin teasing him endlessly. He rolls his eyes, "I don't need advice about Finn, he's my friend and it's not like that. At least, not for him." He stops himself from sighing on that last note, reminding himself that he is Poe Dameron, an established commander of both the Red and Blue Squadron in the resistance serving for none other than Leia Organa, (who he still views as royalty, growing up hearing all the stories from his parents.)

Rey pats his shoulder twice. "I'm not an expert in the subject of romance at all, quite frankly - the whole thing freaks me out a bit. I just want to keep to myself and continue learning the ways of the force for the rest of my life if I'm being honest. But, if I were an expert, I'd say, Poe - communication helps. You can't summarise that Finn has absolutely no romantic feelings for you, if you haven't even spoken to him about it. I hope that helps somewhat." She says, her eyes filled with warmth. 

Poe takes a moment to appreciate that he's made such a great friend so suddenly. He understands now why Finn always spoke of Rey in admiration, feeling that same admiration passed on strongly to him. He feels that other than just the friendly banter of the squadron, and of course the subject of his conflict Finn, that he has made a good friend, who is kind and who will help him in times of need. 

He smiles gratefully at Rey's actually very accurate advice. "Honestly, I thank the stars I've made a friend like you!" He says happily, Rey narrows her eyes and holds an amused look. "Aw, don't be so dramatic." She says chuckling. 

 

Poe shamelessly searches the whole of the resistance grounds, looking for Finn. He realises that whatever's going on with him is much deeper than petty jealousy, or his feelings for Finn. He realises that he just needs his friend back, to get help for whatever's up with him. He chews on his lip so much that by the end of the day his mouth is covered in little cuts, blood staining the top of his fingers as he wipes it off. He's a wreck, to say the least - and he knows this when he gets back to his room, looking into the mirror and finally sighing without worrying about public bullying from all of his squad and Rey about being overly dramatic. He's sweating profusely, his eyes have massive bags under them due to the severe lack of sleep, and he's an all around sobbing mess. Yes, he's sobbing now.

He slides down onto the floor, his back leaning uncomfortably against the side of his desk. Struggling to breathe and putting his head into his hands. His entire body feels like it's being stabbed with tiny pins and needles, ridiculing him with each stab. Out of nowhere, BB-8 comes rolling into the room, the door slamming behind the droid. 

(what is wrong with friend-poe?!) the droid asks, rushing around in a way that can only mean the droid is worried. 

Poe finds his voice, cracking and worn out - but none the less still there speaking. "I'm fine." He croaks out, "Just - go work on something with 3PO buddy." As he says this he furrows his brows confused, black spots appear in his vision. 

(I am running scans on friend-poe , you appear to be suffering from extreme sleep deprivation and clear signs of extreme malnutrition, you also appear to be taking what is medically referred to as a panic attack. I must get help immediately.) BB-8 zooms out of the room quicker than light speed to get medical help for the usually charming, seemingly well put together pilot. 

Poe is unconscious by the time help comes. 

 

A distinctive beeping sound fills the room, Poe attempts to open his eyes quickly but his line of peripheral is shot down by a blinding white light. "Shit..." is the first thing he says embarrassedly, his blurry vision beginning to adjust to the surroundings of the medical room he lies in. "That's exactly what I said when I woke up the first time." A soft voice speaks next to him, he turns his head and sees Rose - fully awake and sitting in a chair next to him, a small smile playing on her face. Poe sits up himself feeling his head aching, he palms his forehead and rubs his eyes, yawning for the first time in what seems like forever. 

"Rose... what's happening, I passed out last night - last thing I remember was BB-8 freaking out?" He says feeling only a little stab of jealousy as he looks over at the girl, noticing that Finn will probably reconcile his romance with her soon. He dismisses this feeling quickly and it is soon replaced by guilt as he realises that he actually likes Rose. She laughs, "Last night? No Poe, you were out for a whole week. Finn filled me in on everything that happened whilst I was out. He's been coming in everyday worried sick about you, he asked me to keep an eye on you whilst he's at a meeting with the General." 

"Finn's been here?" He questions, and then realising how embarrassing that the first thing he asks about is Finn. He quickly covers this up by jumping onto his next concern, "And I've been out for a whole week? Whose been leading my missions? Damn me for being out so long." He says hitting his head against the mental structure of the bed twice and wincing at the action. "Ow!" he says. Rose raises her eyebrows, "Probably shouldn't do that or you'll end up with a concussion. Then you'll be in here even longer." She says chuckling quietly. Her face turns more stern and Poe looks at her confusedly. "Finn told me not to tell you this, but I figure I should because he won't." Poe braces himself, this is it - Finn must have figured out his petty jealousy and didn't want him to know that him and Rose were a thing. "How could you just ignore him all the time Poe? He's been in a state because of it he tells me, and you didn't hear this from me but he's upset that you didn't bother telling him that you're in a relationship with Rey. He feels out of the loop." She says, a disappointed expression painted clearly on her face. 

Poe starts, "I understa-", he cuts himself off before taking everything in. "Eh... what?" He says, his brain only processing the words: 'ignore Finn', 'relationship with Rey', and 'in a state.' Poe shakes his head, "No - but I thought Finn's been ignoring me to be with you and I'm not in a relationship with Rey?" He says, furrowing his brows and chewing at his lip more profusely than said week ago. Rose looks quite confused at first but then suddenly all her expressions melt into one clear emotion of understanding. "Awwwh!" She says giggling. "W-what?" He replies, stuttering. "You love Finn!" She says grinning. He turns his head slightly to the right, "Eh? Well of course I love Finn, he's my friend and well he saved my life not to mention." She continues giggling, which he frowns in confusion at, "No I mean, you're in love with him. I can't believe he hasn't seen this yet, I mean it's so obvious! You thought he liked me and you were jealous." She says, a Cheshire Cat grin seemingly stuck permanently to her face. 

Poe flushes completely red. "I-I don't know exactly what you're insinuating but it's wrong. Finn does like you, I mean he was here almost everyday when you were out." He says, not sure why he's reassuring the girl who has stolen Finn's heart that she definitely has Finn's heart when he himself is in love with Finn and she can stomp on Poe like a stone if she wants to. She shakes her head and says "Yeah he was, doesn't that sound familiar?" She says a small smile pulling at her lips. On a more stranger coincidental note, Finn runs in at this exact time and his grin could possibly beat the greatest shining stars in the galaxy when he sees that Poe is awake. Not possibly - just could. "Poe!" He says, running over to Poe's side immediately and placing one of his hands on his chest and the other his back as if to support him like he's as fragile as glass. "You're awake! Are you okay? We were all so worried, I-I was worried." He says. Poe smiles weakly, trying to erase the whole weird conversation he just had with Rose, who stands up to let Finn have her seat, he ignores this and sits on the bed Poe lays in, making Poe's heart flutter rapidly at the close proximity. "I'm fine buddy, those med-droids haven't actually been in yet - no idea what was up with me." 

Finn, of course, still looks at him with a worried expression. "Well we need to see what the problem is, it can't be anything too serious - they'll be able to fix it whatever it is." He says, rushing through the sentence and apparently wracking his mind already for ways to cure Poe's mysterious illness. Rose cuts in, and the two of them turn to face her, not realising she had been trying to catch their attention for around two minutes. She smiles awkwardly, "If I may interject, I overheard the droids earlier and I honestly think the main problem was no sleep and also malnutrition. That's what I heard them saying when they were taking scans, sorry I didn't mention earlier it's just - well we were talking about other things weren't we Poe?" She says, a mischievous glint in her eye. Poe quickly jumps in before Finn can question anything, "That's such a relief, ha! If all I needed was some sleep and to put some more meat on my bones someone could have just told me... ha!" He says, his nervous laughter dying quickly and forming into a smile which looks more like a grimace (no-one comments on it though for Poe's sake.) 

Finn's head points in the direction of Rose and then to Poe, and then to Rose and back again to Poe. He dips his head lightly, "Anyway, I'm glad that you're gonna be alright Poe. I don't know what I would have done if you'd been asleep any longer, seriously it was getting boring around here." He says. "Hey!" Rose says, feigning offence. Poe pats Finn's shoulder twice as a friendly gesture but ends up keeping his hand there, holding onto him closely. "You would've been fine bud, you have Rey, Rose and well - pretty much everyone on the entire base wants to be your friend." He laughs gently. Finn shakes his head and suddenly Poe is aware of how close they are. "Yeah but they aren't you." He breathes, a sad look in his eyes. That breaks Poe out of his spell, he moves his hand to cover over Finn's hand, "Hey, why do you look so sad? What's wrong?" He says biting his lip. Finn looks down at their hands, and back up at Poe, "Even before you passed out, I guess I just missed you a lot. We don't really talk that much anymore, the most is just a 'hey' in passing. It got me thinking that maybe you don't wanna be friends anymore? And I completely understand if that's the case, but I just need to know why." 

Poe curses himself, over and over and infinitely over again in his head. The look on Finn's face is enough to make any person cry, he looks hurt and confused. And most of all - lost, which Poe never wanted Finn to feel, especially on the base. He just wanted him to feel welcomed, as a part of something that wasn't just a stream of black and white armour, and orders shouted out from cowardly men with cold eyes. He wanted him to feel like he had a place of meaning, a home. Poe launches himself onto Finn, holding onto him tightly and holding onto his head gently as he buries into his neck. "I'm so sorry, I never thought you felt that way - I just thought you didn't want to be involved with me anymore I guess. I should have just spoken to you, instead of assuming what you wanted." He said feeling guilty. 

Finn mumbles "Its okay, I'm just glad we're still together. We should have just talked to each other." He says, laughing in short, hiccuping breaths whilst Rose slips out of the room quietly, to give them space. Poe closes his eyes and a natural reflex causes his forehead to rest around Finn's. "I know it's been hard, I should have been checking up on you everyday to see how you were but - I don't know. I was so caught up in my own head that I ended up not even eating or sleeping properly, I'm a bit of a mess these days bud." He breathes out before leaning his head back onto the pillow, Finn still at a close proximity. The younger man smiles and shakes his head fondly "the resistance keep you busy and on your feet all the time. It's time they let you have a rest for at least a couple of days. I'll see you in the morning?" Finn says, rising up slowly and yawning himself. 

Before Poe can actually think about what he's doing, he feels his own hand clasping around Finn's wrist gently. "Stay?" He asks in a small voice, only just beginning to feel how weak his physical state is from all the battles, all the demanding work and the severe lack of daily maintenance. Without any words, Finn uses the room remote to turn off the lights, and climbs into the bed with Poe - wrapping his arms around his front and embracing him softly. 

All Poe can think about doing is turning over and kissing the other man - but all of the reasons why he shouldn't stay fully intact in his head. 

'The resistance needs him, he can't afford to be distracted. Finn is already going through a massive change in surroundings and atmosphere, it would only be more confusing for him. It just isn't the right time.' These thoughts swarm around just as they always do.

Maybe: One day, Poe will tune out all the thoughts even in amongst the battles and the bloodshed, and simply kiss the other boy. For now though, he falls asleep courtesy of the soft humming noise that Finn makes - and he thanks whoever will hear him out in that huge, wonderous galaxy for getting to experience such a beautiful moment.

**Author's Note:**

> might continue this story on from being a one shot to a chaptered story! have some ideas for it so yeah.


End file.
